Blended families

A blended family is something that I wish could happen for my boys. When it comes in terms of their father and their new stepmother. I see many of my friends who have been divorced, remarried, and have taken the time to build relationships with their other has and their spouses/girlfriends.  This is something that I have wanted for sometime. I have offered to my ex that we meet with another couple that has done this. Someone he in fact knows.

However, I still have not been successful. Doesn't mean I'm going to quit trying. But I just haven't been successful yet. You end up with days like today, where I get a text message that says don't talk to her. Just sit down and basically ignore her. Which, for those of you who know me, is very difficult. I don't want to come across as "that ex". 

It is taken me three years to have the relationship with my ex that I have now. While it is still difficult, because of his inappropriateness, I muddle through make the right choices, and do what is best for my children. I have moved past the infidelities, and the past. And I want no part of that has to affect my children. Clearly because we're divorced, I have moved on.

So days like today, are very difficult. Because I feel like I was cold, and not friendly to the person who cares and I'm sure loves my children. But out of respect for the ex and his request. I abide. 

But at the end of the day, it just doesn't feel right. So going forward I'm no longer going to abide by his requests I don't think. I'm going to be who I am. Which is a nice person. She clearly cares for my children. As was evident when Jackson was highly disappointed in getting fourth place. While I consoled him. It was still difficult for him. And before we were leaving to change his clothes, she asked him to come over and she wanted to do the same.   Well in that moment I was frustrated, because I am his mother. Stepping back, and sitting here now I realize she is only trying to build a better relationship with my son. And I should not have been crabby about it in my own mind.

If I had the open blended family relationship I still hope for. This would not even be a question. My kids would see me sitting by her, conversing, and building a relationship. (because keep in mind, I know she is a good person and I would love to get to know her further) Instead they see a mother who sits in the back and ignores her. Going forward this is not going to happen. I have invested too much time in myself and changing myself in the past three years and more importantly the past 10 days that I will not allow it any further.

If anybody reads my blog at all, I would appreciate a post or comment of how you think I can get this to be successful. How I can address it with the ex. Or how I go over the ex and address it with his wife. Or do I just leave it alone. I would greatly appreciate input.

Mr, Baker giving encouraging words in the face of his disappointment.

The boys and their stepbrothers. Clearly they love each other! Which I feel very fortunate about!

My boys with their mama! I love them more than the world itself!

PS. Hot Dam I look good!  LOL

Help, Thanks, Wow

Sometimes when you read a book I think it's very healthy to have a highlighter in hand. And that's exactly what I had when I started the book help thanks wow the three essential prayers by Anne Lamott.  I'm not quite done with the book yet. But I can tell you that what I have read so far has been very invigorating. She talks about prayer and it's power.

After reading the book and looking back. I found myself not necessarily demanding in my prayers but maybe not asking for quite the right thing. I know now after reading this, I am just going to ask for help. Help me find that right job. Help me raise good boys. Help me understand people whom I love yet don't understand. Help. A powerful word. Help me feel empowered and encouraged. Help. 

Thanks. That's easy right? More times than I care to admit I maybe don't announce my gratefulness. Like, thank you for putting your clothes on on the first time that I asked. Or thank you for this amazing day surrounded by my friends. Or thank you for our companionship today. I really enjoyed talking and doing a whole lot of nothing. Thanks. With these two simple

Chapters I feel as though it has transformed my week. Looking at things differently. Now to finish the WOW chapter. I am sure it will be as amazing as the first two. 

Now... Help me get motivated to clean today. Help me have precise words when applying for a great job. 

amen

Friends, friends, and more friends!

Had a great weekend seeing a few of the handful of people I call friends down here... Fun to smile, feel beautiful and hang out with good peeps! 

Me and Lori 

Me and Tara d

Me and Tara G! 

Me in my new hat and sporting myself 15 lbs lighter! 

Yay for good days! 

SOAKED

This past weekend the boys participated in our church's SOAKED event! They live it as you can see by the pictures! Between water slides and free food we couldn't go wrong!! 

Weekend away...

What an amazing weekend away. Kids had a blast and I was able to relax. It was so incredibly nice... 

Busy Busy....

Well this week has been crazy busy.  I have been working out and staying on task for the most part.  Which is good.  I feel better, I am getting strong and the pounds are coming off.  Which is always a plus right?!?!

I finished up my last official week of homework.  After many hours I am DONE.  For now....  Looks like I will be registered for another class for the fall just to brush on skills and the new ICD 10 that is coming out.  Now for my final interview and finding a job.

I have some really good leads with people I know so I am praying that will benefit me.  Just be lifting up that I am able to secure employment that will be beneficial for my family.  Especially after all the schooling and what not.

This weekend we are having on last weekend away.  Headed up to my friend cabin.  I am really looking forward to it.  Some nice long walks and cool weather will be nice for all of us.

Then mom fly s in on Wednesday night with my neice and the girl party will commence!  I am excited about that!!!

Hope everyone has had a great few weeks!

Some days you wanna scream. But you find the JOY.

Since my last update the kids and I have been busy.  We have been on 2 camping trips in May and June. We went home to MN for 17 days and hard loads of fun.  Went to Canada fishing, made the rounds to the sisters home and spent the majority of the time with mom and dad.  It was so nice and relaxing to be around family.  This trip was particularly hard.  I am missing them more than words can say.  But I have these fun memories to make the days better!  These are just a few!  I had so much fun and am grateful for my time with all of them!

Trying to keep moving forward through the HARD days.  I just typed it all out, but I really don't need to put that negatively out there.  I need to continue to find JOY in all I do.  School is in its final weeks. Please pray that I am able to finish strong and that I will be blessed with a job in my new career sooner than later. Pray that my boys have a good start to there new school year.  I am very worried about Jacob.  He has tons of anxiety and we have seen that really come out in the last week.  I want so badly for him to be successful but its hard to know what to do and am I really helping. I am thankful for the handful of friends I have in my life now to help me through this phase of life.  Turning 40, single parenting, and being single.

I think that is one thing I have really learned.  Less is more.  I always have tried so hard to make so many people happy.  In the end many of them took advantage of that.  So I have let go of people.  I missed them at first.  Now, I have no desire to be surrounded by them.

I am lucky girl.  I have friend in MN.  Like Sara L, who took VACATION days to see ME at my mom and dads.  I have my BESTIES who made there way to farm on Thursdays.  I have my MICHELLE who is always there and no matter the distance between us we will be solid BFF's!!  My 5 gals here in AZ.  You know who you are.  You are steady and true.  Oh and my SISTERS.  Who could forget them?  They are my #1 fans and my biggest support system. They answer day or night.  Laugh and cry with me. They are the best.

Overall I need to try harder to post on here.  Not such a big fan of Facebook these days.  Who could really say all of this?  And why do a bajillion people need to read it?  They don't. :-)

I suppose since I am at a stand still I should clean...  Mom is coming in a few weeks. I need to regain control of my house!